Ron Paul Toe Injured in Snake Fire!

In a rapidly breaking story, it appears that many leading GOP politicians have been injured in an apocalyptic fire at a hitherto unknown "Snake Complex", including the long-shot racist candidate who isn't going to win - Texas Congressman Ron Paul, who severely injured his right pinkie toe.

According to paramedic Billy Ray Buford, Paul "...got hisself a Texas Toejam alright, ain't nuthin like it. I reckon he'll be laid up fer a while."

It has long been rumored that there was a vast, "snake oil factory" deep in the heart of Texas, where religious republicans were trained in Snake Handling. Also, a vast army of black, gay, and transgendered slaves were supposedly forced by overseer Ron Paul, who can not win, to create vast vats of Snake Oil to deceive republican foes.

It turns out that, unlike the old "Nixon's going to make us go to school on Saturdays" rumor, this one was true. Located in Paul's district just outside the town of Exploitia, Texas, the euphemistically named "Serpente Centre" apparently was situated illegally on some 200 acres of prime wetlands filled with endangered species which the visiting republican bigwigs reportedly took turns killing and torturing for fun.

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